Not sure if the heart can grow any fonder…
(Note: I wrote this post back in March when Yasmine and Uzma were in Boston. It was just… misplaced until now.)
Interestingly, it is only when I’ve gone without seeing Yasmine for five days (yes, five long excruciating days) that I feel moved to write about her. I don’t mean to say that I have taken Yazzy for granted, and am uninspired when she is here. Quite to the contrary—I am so inspired, over-the-moon, euphoric (you get the idea!) that I don’t really know what to write about (besides relating my euphoria).
But now, with Yazzy on the other side of the country with my wife, I feel the sting of her absence. The apartment is eerily quiet. Gone are her whimpering little cries, and her two twinkling eyes, tracking her “da-da” from across the room. Nursery rhymes, which emanate from a variety of contraptions—baby bouncers, a purple seahorse, a sinister looking “Sleep Sheep”—have gone silent (though strangely I feel compelled to turn them on, perhaps to nurse my loneliness).
Even the cats seem confused, roaming from room to room, probably wondering where my wife has gone with the shrieking bundle that, in the last three months, has hogged all the attention. Or maybe they miss her too—her new baby smell, her large feline eyes curiously watching them, and the helpless goo-ing and ga-ing that is unmistakeably mammalian (perhaps they mistake her for a kitten).
Most of all, I miss Yasmine’s smile—a grin so full and alive—and her two upturned rainbow eyes. And that is perhaps one of the most amazing parts of bringing a new life into this world: The moment they are absent, we miss so intensely a being that, until only recently, had not even existed.
Being born is so momentous because as soon as we enter the world we can never be unborn. Yasmine’s first cries as the doctors pulled her from her Mom, to those quiet moments where all three of us are lying in bed, will be with me forever, and are such an inextricable part of my conscious that in a way Yasmine has always been. And will always be.